001. What I did on my summer vacation.

I think I want to write. I'm not particularly gifted with words and I never think it's good enough, which is why I barely update. I will start a post and then delete it because I feel like it's only partially fleshed out. I often stumble through conversations and come up with things I want to say at 3 o'clock in the morning trying to sleep instead of in the moment. These are things I hope other people go through, so I have a little hope.

I wrote my college essay about television as a form of storytelling, which might be a "duh" statement, but tv is often overlooked in media studies because of its start as merely long-form advertising. I prefer the television format over film because of length and ability for subtly. There's time to learn the characters and understand behavior, at least if done well.

One goal for the summer is to write a spec script. I have no idea how and it probably won't be good (or exist), but in case the career path I am eventually swept under doesn't fulfill my soul the way society tells me it's supposed to, I can try to be a tv writer. Also, I will try to write more in this little blog (but I want to change the name, again, because I have always been exceptionally fickle when it comes to user names - I changed my AOL name at least once every couple weeks as a child). I should 'practice' writing in public (regardless if anyone reads or not). I've been actively journaling since I was in fifth grade and went through a year or two of melodramatic poetry-writing in middle school as we all have, but my creativity has shrunk as my self-awareness (read: self-consciousness) has grown to insurmountable heights.

Inspiration for this post: Mindy Kaling quote (does anyone know the original source?), comedy showrunner rountable, Dan Harmon talks through season two of Community, WTF podcast, any number of process interviews floating around.

Edit: Have I mentioned my inconvenient habit of editing posts after I've published them? I do it often, even on Tumblr when no one will see the edited version because of the dashboard format, I will edit my commentary and tags constantly. Which is, I guess, to say I write/blog as a release for myself more than to be heard/read. But I wanted to clarify that I don't really know what I mean by "I want to write". I don't know what that entails for me, whether it be fiction, script, or journalism. I s'pose I just wanted to guide myself to vomit words more frequently because even though I don't feel quite proficient at it (even after four years of a liberal arts education), it does lift the weird little burdens my internal dialogue builds up.